ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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