from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
