I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
