If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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