she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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