I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
