this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
