My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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