So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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