i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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