Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
