I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
