So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
