just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
