I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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