I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
