Will you blow on my dice?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
