i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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