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I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
