I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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