I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
