Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
