Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My cat gives me a boner
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
