It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
