oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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