U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
