I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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