i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
