My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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