is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
