So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
