At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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