shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
