life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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