plz talk dirty to me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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