I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
