the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
