..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
