Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
