So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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