"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
