for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
