my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
