I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
