She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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