Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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