You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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