i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just gift wrapped bread.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
