im six kinds of drunk right now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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