He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
