He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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