you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
