It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
