5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
