Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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